another night. honestly, i never expected to be 26 and still be a chronically single mess. and ESPECIALLY not a single parent. i'm lonely and i'm pissed about it. i was doing just fine, until this dude i knew from way back when decided he wanted to come around and start seeing me all the time, calling all the time, and put me back in that state of mind. all i can do is pray that God will put me back in my happy to be single mindset soon. i have a new job, and im seeing that its gonna be one of those jobs where you HAVE to focus and be involved, so thats good, because then i will have something to focus on for 8 hours. i'm not really trying to be sitting at home wishing i had someone here. cuz honestly, its awesome being single. spouses can work your entire last nerve, and its a lot of stress, but i guess it would be nice to have SOMEONE sometimes. i just dont like feeling like someone is playing with my emotions. i mean hell, in school dudes were QUICK to say, look i dont like you like that, and then i could sweep my lil feelings up and keep it moving on to the next. this ambiguous shit aint cute. thats all im saying.
i read alot of stuff that says enjoy the now, and i try. but lord KNOWS i dont wanna be 40 and getting married. im still young, and exciting, and spontaneous. i dont want to spend these years lonely. smh. its hard dealing with loneliness sometimes.
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